Recently, I’ve been feeling “meh.” Nothing bad has happened, but nothing exciting has either. In fact, that may be inaccurate. The world has been filled with excitement and tragedy all at once, all the time. I was bored, in the sense that I didn’t know what activities truly called to me.
It felt like I was floating without a destination in mind. Even writing this now, I’m judging that feeling. I’m judging it as if it’s something negative. But that’s not true. I’ve been reflecting on the feeling of neutrality, and realize that there’s inherent beauty in feeling “meh.”
I feel as if negative and positive energy live on two poles, and our energy usually occupies some place in the middle. When we are close to the positive energy pole, we’re happy, and when we’re close to the negative energy pole, we’re sad.
But the distinction I recognized is that the spectrum of “negative” energy is much larger than the spectrum of “positive” energy. What I mean by this is that we have to be super close to the positive pole to be considered happy, but anywhere in the middle is still sad.
That’s why we judge “meh” as a negative thing, not as the neutral state that it truly is.
I feel nothing but neutral energy at my neutrality. And that’s a particularly difficult concept to wrestle with, mostly because we’re so used to applying a “good” or “bad” label on everything we do. Dancing in the gray is difficult, but sometimes the grayness is true, and the truth can’t be denied that recognition.
© Saalik Lokhandwala, 2021